If you have ever spent a minute on Pinterest then you must have seen at least one quote about embracing change. Enviting it even, because the ‘magic’ apparently only happens outside your comfort zone. But what if you’re fond of your peaceful comfort zone? Disrupting a functioning family routine (logistics, OMG) is not easy, let me tell you. Now that things are settling down a bit I thought I’d share what has been on my mind for the past weeks while I settled in at my new job.
Sometimes in order to find your happiness in the long term, you have to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Like going out and find a new job. And then get settled in at said job. Onboarding is hard guys. I’m certain that eventually I will feel at home at my new job but at the moment it’s overwhelming. It’s a big change and a difficult phase that I just have to go through before I feel at ease again.
So let’s acknowledge that. We are so conditioned to say that it’s all good when someone asks how we’re doing. It’s ok to be honest and say you’re struggling a little. I always had the insane idea that in order to ‘make it’ (whatever that even means) you had to be really tough. That’s such bullshit though. I only want to achieve my goals on my own terms. For me that means being open. To speak up when I’m confused or uncertain. I started to notice that people usually respect it, which is the opposite reaction of what I expected.
Speaking up about your feelings is not a sign of weakness. I believe speaking up is actually a sign of strength, because you take charge of your own well being. I’m not saying that because I am honest, this big change is super easy all of a sudden. But it gives me comfort that everything will be ok in the end. And that feeling gives me the peace of mind that I so desperately crave in times like these.
It’s so easy to compeletly lose touch with myself and my loved ones. It sneaks up on me. I caught myself thinking “working overtime is part of it”, “I feel guilty for leaving on time”, “people will find it weird if I skip Friday drinks” It’s not even because someone told me these things. This was all in my head. That’s when I knew I had to draw a line for myself. It’s totally ok to work hard but I have to be comfortabele with the compromises that I have to make for it.
One example that I particularly struggled with were the working hours. No matter what is going on, I always strive to be home for bedtime. But in the beginning I had a weekly meeting every Monday at the end of the day. The meeting was scheduled before I started so at first I didn’t want to say anything. But after a couple of weeks I thought, why am I denying myself time with my son if I haven’t even asked if the group had a problem with moving the meeting. Seriously, what would be the harm in asking? It turned out that everyone was ok with rescheduling. No big deal.
So that’s my line. Everything is arranged for me to work full time and be focussed, but after those standard office hours I’m less flexible. That’s my family time and I will not feel guilty for it.
Even though my priorities are pretty clear and I do my very best to bring balance to our life, I still feel anxious at times. What really helped me out a lot is this yoga routine from Adrienne. It’s aimed at relieving anxiety and I’m amazed at how well it works for me. The whole ritual of allowing yourself to take this time to work on yourself, after a long day at the office, then bedtime, then all the chores, is so rewarding.
So again this is a very real story about what’s going on in my life. I have a better balance already and I start feeling inspired to share more often again. I think it’s a sign that things are starting to fall into place again. Can’t wait for that moment where everything makes sense again, but until then I’ll BREATHE and take it one step at a time.
– X Marloes
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